Healing? No, am Just Redecorating...

So I was just minding my business, doing normal human things like overthinking and pretending my pillow is fine while my head is on it…

You often just ask how are you, so i would like to respond

Work’s been… work. Colleagues are still chaotic.

I’ve been going out more. Trying new things.

Like, I went to skate last week, tried my hands on poetry, drawings.

It’s funny, though… I keep catching myself wanting to tell you stuff.

Like I’ll see something, laugh, and instinctively think, 'I gotta send this to her'.

Still save unheard songs and posts , and mentally Forward Memes to You, BTW"

And then I remember…

That’s not an easy thing anymore.

But hey, don’t worry—I’m not sitting around being sad or anything.

I’ve just got, like…

Everything’s fine, just kind of… buffering sometimes

When in metro I see a couple laughing in that annoying way—like you and I used to during our college times and boom. There you were, in my head again, being all loud without saying a word.

Yeah. I’ve officially reached sitcom levels of loneliness. I’m basically the main character talking to furniture and ghosts of people I used to like the most.

When you talk in my mind “ You still win most of the arguments”.

It’s fine. Totally healthy.

Funny how memory works, right? It hides until your brain is like, 'Wanna get hurt a little today?' and you’re like, 'Sure, why not.'

I keep catching myself wanting to tell you things and sometimes, in the middle of my day, I catch myself reaching for my phone—instinctively, like muscle memory—just to tell you something small. To just realise, its not the same as before.

I don’t get half of what was going on.

Like how I was at Connaught Place today. Or wandered through Sarojini, half-lost, half-looking for something reminiscing about things that felt with you.

I even stopped by the Oxford Bookstore. Sat near the spot where we used to sip chai and you'd catch me smiling at something stupid—and call me cute as i smile less , that used to be the most obvious part in our world.

It hit me then—how many moments still feel like they belong to you, even when you’re not here to share them.

Btw that last episode or web-series you suggested to me,am trying to build up the same emotion as you did

And I was like… yep. That’s what I miss. You, judging me and experiencing things together with love.

But sometimes I do this thing where I laugh at something random and immediately turn my head like I’m about to tell you—

only to remember you’re not sitting there with that sarcastic eyebrow raise

It’s fine though. I’ve learned to raise my own eyebrow. It’s not as satisfying,.

I laugh sometimes. Really laugh, Then I think, 'She would’ve laughed harder.'

And that kind of ruined it.

Somehow all the reasons that made me laugh with you suddenly one day they didn’t…

But it made me think—your presence wasn’t just a vibe. It had a soundtrack, a rhythm, a whole season of energy.

Without it? Everything’s just… background noise.

 So yeah…

Life’s good.

The Books I read are long.

Until some chapters are boring, and we give it a miss

 Anyway. Not saying I miss you.

Not trying to guilt-trip you or anything.

I’m just saying: if you’re gonna haunt me, at least text back sometimes with an intent to converse

It surely doesnt feel like healing, but as i said you do still win a lot of arguments..!